I admit that I don't feel very grown up. It doesn't help that I still could pass for a high schooler in terms of looks. I'm mature (most of the time) and have always thought myself to be a very level-headed and focused. But that in no way implies that I feel grown up. I don't have my own place. I don't have a job with many responsibilities or potential for advancement. I don't have a relationship with a guy (saying 'man' makes me feel weird, like I'd be dating a forty year-old). I don't have any real responsibilities in my life. In a way, I like it. In a way, I hate it. I'd say I'm about 80% grown up. Tonight, though, I feel as if I grew up a little more and I think I know why.
7.29.2010
7.26.2010
Sold A Bill of Goods and Becoming Fearless
I was told from the time I entered kindergarten that I had to get a college degree. It wasn't an option. I had to get one. So I did. And frankly, fat lot of good it's done me. $40,000 over four years for a $12/hour job.
My generation, perhaps more than any other, was sold one expensive bill of goods. We were all told this: "Go to college, get a good job. Earn money. Everything will be fine." No it's not. Or maybe it's because I majored in something I actually liked and not something that bored me out of my mind. I had a friend who majored in something that would guarantee her a good job. That's all well and good but she wasn't happy with it. It wasn't what she wanted to do or enjoyed. It didn't make her excited. It made her stressed. She has a good job now but I can't tell you if she will be happy in the long run. That's something she'll have to determine.
Stupidly, I majored in something that I loved. Something that made me excited to go to class, to write papers, to discuss and debate. It was a sensible major, one that conceivably get me a job after earning a master's degree. So I guess we'll see about that in a year. But am I happy with my decision five years after I made it? By and large, I think I'm not. I'm not because it was safe. That doesn't negate the fact that I enjoyed studying what I did or cause me to enjoy it any less because I still do like politics and international relations but truth be told, if I had it to do over again and was fearless in the face of job prospects I wouldn't have majored in it. I would have followed my gut instinct and said "I want to be a writer". And an English major I would have become.
My generation, perhaps more than any other, was sold one expensive bill of goods. We were all told this: "Go to college, get a good job. Earn money. Everything will be fine." No it's not. Or maybe it's because I majored in something I actually liked and not something that bored me out of my mind. I had a friend who majored in something that would guarantee her a good job. That's all well and good but she wasn't happy with it. It wasn't what she wanted to do or enjoyed. It didn't make her excited. It made her stressed. She has a good job now but I can't tell you if she will be happy in the long run. That's something she'll have to determine.
Stupidly, I majored in something that I loved. Something that made me excited to go to class, to write papers, to discuss and debate. It was a sensible major, one that conceivably get me a job after earning a master's degree. So I guess we'll see about that in a year. But am I happy with my decision five years after I made it? By and large, I think I'm not. I'm not because it was safe. That doesn't negate the fact that I enjoyed studying what I did or cause me to enjoy it any less because I still do like politics and international relations but truth be told, if I had it to do over again and was fearless in the face of job prospects I wouldn't have majored in it. I would have followed my gut instinct and said "I want to be a writer". And an English major I would have become.
7.14.2010
Things Just Happen
I filed my Visa application on Monday. As I did so, self-doubt started creeping back in. Am I doing the right thing? I know that I really shouldn't wait any longer because I'm starting to feel as though my life hasn't really begun. It's like I keep waiting for something and that something doesn't ever come or happen. But I suppose a lot of life is like that - planning and preparing for things that can't or won't come about due to circumstances that, by and large, are out of our control.
I'm not a big believer in fate. I think things just happen, for good or for bad. Things. Just. Happen. But I do give a little weight to the whole "meant to be" notion of life. I'd like to think there was a reason I didn't get into law school or Brown or wherever. I'd really like to believe that there is some reason for me to be packing up my life and moving to another country. What is it that I'm supposed to discover? Where is it that I'm supposed to go? What am I to do with this incredible opportunity? Not squander it away, I get, but otherwise is this a chance to become who I am meant to be?
Life is all about discovery, and I don't think that we are stagnate once we reach "adulthood". Who is to define what adulthood is anyway? I don't feel like an adult yet, despite my age and the degree that tells me otherwise. We should constantly reach and redefine and develop and progress as we age. My personality at 18 going in to college is a lot different than my personality is now at 24. Some say college is about finding out who you are. My experience was that college is about finding out who you are not. It was about embracing my inherent nerdiness and to stop apologizing for if not being the smartest person in the room then wanting to be the smartest person in the room. One of my proudest moments of my college career was when I realized that I was the one who threw the curve in my history class because of my grade on an exam.
Though the ratio of confidence to doubt about what could become 'Misadventures in Becoming an Expat' is growing in the confidence column, I still have room for about 40% doubt. Mostly it is centered around what happens when I'm handed that degree and I'm back to square one on the job situation. I appreciate that there are people who are and will be worse off because of this economic downtown than I ever will be because of my education, yet a part of me panics every time I so much as think about trolling for a job again. I don't think things will be any better fifteen months from now. But you never know. I could end up with the job of my dreams (I'm looking at you NBC News). I could end up with what I have dreamed of all along. Then again, I could end up with nothing but a piece of paper worth only my sweat and tears and $35,000. I can't plan for anything. I can only hope and wish and daydream because things just happen.
I'm not a big believer in fate. I think things just happen, for good or for bad. Things. Just. Happen. But I do give a little weight to the whole "meant to be" notion of life. I'd like to think there was a reason I didn't get into law school or Brown or wherever. I'd really like to believe that there is some reason for me to be packing up my life and moving to another country. What is it that I'm supposed to discover? Where is it that I'm supposed to go? What am I to do with this incredible opportunity? Not squander it away, I get, but otherwise is this a chance to become who I am meant to be?
Life is all about discovery, and I don't think that we are stagnate once we reach "adulthood". Who is to define what adulthood is anyway? I don't feel like an adult yet, despite my age and the degree that tells me otherwise. We should constantly reach and redefine and develop and progress as we age. My personality at 18 going in to college is a lot different than my personality is now at 24. Some say college is about finding out who you are. My experience was that college is about finding out who you are not. It was about embracing my inherent nerdiness and to stop apologizing for if not being the smartest person in the room then wanting to be the smartest person in the room. One of my proudest moments of my college career was when I realized that I was the one who threw the curve in my history class because of my grade on an exam.
Though the ratio of confidence to doubt about what could become 'Misadventures in Becoming an Expat' is growing in the confidence column, I still have room for about 40% doubt. Mostly it is centered around what happens when I'm handed that degree and I'm back to square one on the job situation. I appreciate that there are people who are and will be worse off because of this economic downtown than I ever will be because of my education, yet a part of me panics every time I so much as think about trolling for a job again. I don't think things will be any better fifteen months from now. But you never know. I could end up with the job of my dreams (I'm looking at you NBC News). I could end up with what I have dreamed of all along. Then again, I could end up with nothing but a piece of paper worth only my sweat and tears and $35,000. I can't plan for anything. I can only hope and wish and daydream because things just happen.
7.06.2010
BNA to LHR via Boston. Departs September 21. So that should be simple enough, right? Three airports, one airline. Same coming home in December for Christmas. Not a big deal.
However, to avoid paying an astronomically outrageous price for a one-way ticket I did a little shopping around. The trip back to London won't be nearly as much fun. Southwest was running some great specials and they now fly to New York. Perfect. Well, almost perfect; they fly to LaGuardia, which is not an international airport. But the ticket was too cheap to pass up so I booked a one-way to LGA. Then I found a great deal with IcelandAir on Priceline - $400. Awesome. Now my one-way back to Britain cost half what my round trip did.
What it takes to get to London in January: six airports, five cities, three countries, two airlines, and one cross-borough bus...is apparently what it will take to get me back to school.
In other traveling news, my friend Zach is pretty sure he's coming to visit. I get about six weeks off between second term and third and we think it's the perfect time to do a little gallivanting around western Europe. We've decided Germany is to be our prime target though he really wants to make a stop in Amsterdam (I think it's because pot is legal there). After a long phone conversation about things we've always wanted to do, Zach did a search on Bing...for, wait for it, "best concentration camps". Only because I know him so well do I know what he actually meant. Bing.com, I'm sure, was thinking "Go to hell". Despite his lack of cultural awareness and attempts at a British accent, I'm certain we'll have fun. In fact, I don't know if there is another person I'd consider spending an entire week in a foreign country with. So I think we'll 'Amazing Race' the hell out this trip.
However, to avoid paying an astronomically outrageous price for a one-way ticket I did a little shopping around. The trip back to London won't be nearly as much fun. Southwest was running some great specials and they now fly to New York. Perfect. Well, almost perfect; they fly to LaGuardia, which is not an international airport. But the ticket was too cheap to pass up so I booked a one-way to LGA. Then I found a great deal with IcelandAir on Priceline - $400. Awesome. Now my one-way back to Britain cost half what my round trip did.
What it takes to get to London in January: six airports, five cities, three countries, two airlines, and one cross-borough bus...is apparently what it will take to get me back to school.
In other traveling news, my friend Zach is pretty sure he's coming to visit. I get about six weeks off between second term and third and we think it's the perfect time to do a little gallivanting around western Europe. We've decided Germany is to be our prime target though he really wants to make a stop in Amsterdam (I think it's because pot is legal there). After a long phone conversation about things we've always wanted to do, Zach did a search on Bing...for, wait for it, "best concentration camps". Only because I know him so well do I know what he actually meant. Bing.com, I'm sure, was thinking "Go to hell". Despite his lack of cultural awareness and attempts at a British accent, I'm certain we'll have fun. In fact, I don't know if there is another person I'd consider spending an entire week in a foreign country with. So I think we'll 'Amazing Race' the hell out this trip.
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