That's how sure I am about sticking with the decision to move in September. There was nothing more frightening knowing I was going to be leaving undergrad without a job even though I could move home and have all the comforts I was used to. But now things are different. I'm struggling to even find a part time job to fill in the 15 hours I'm not getting at my current job, which gives me only 25 hours a week. And no benefits. None and no hope of ever getting them. There is no room for growth in this job and no room to advance a skill set or learn something new. It is a dead-end job. If I don't return to school then where do I go? I must have applied to hundreds of even the lowliest of positions simply to get my foot in the door. I need an advanced degree because clearly the one I have isn't doing anything for me.
Yet there is a part of me that is pulling back. What if I'm in this situation a year and half from now - no job, no prospect, and living back with my parents? I don't think I can stand the thought of completely wasting my 20's like this. It's heartbreaking, realizing that these two years since I graduated have been nothing but a waste. The only thing I have to show for it is the amount of money I've saved to go back to school. Regardless, I'm still having to take out a loan and from that springs the hesitancy. I could very well be in this same position in late 2011 with $20,000 in debt. Positively terrifying.
What if I don't go? What if I continue as I am now - unhappy, constantly searching for some way to advance and consistently falling short? I have to take a risk, don't I? I have to do this. I suppose hope is all I have to go on. Hope that I will excel and graduate with honors. Hope that I manage to convince someone to give me an internship. Hope that I will have a job. Hope that I'm not making what could be a gigantic mistake.
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